What’s Wrong with Men? How Adolescence Sparked a National Conversation

“Mum, you’ve got to watch this!” my 15-year-old daughter insisted.

“I don’t want to, it’s a bit dark,” I protested.

“Seriously, it’s really good – let’s watch it together.”

“Okay,” I conceded.

And I’m so glad I did. Her persistence, and her desire to share the experience with

me, opened up a conversation I hadn’t expected. Usually, she hates talking through

programmes, but this time, she kept asking me to hit pause so we could discuss

what was unfolding on screen. Those four hours of shared watching gave me a

glimpse into her world, exposed me to cultural norms I hadn’t been fully aware of,

and helped us reflect on the challenges of being a boy in 2025.

Adolescence hasn’t just captured my daughter’s attention — it’s gripped the nation.

From LinkedIn to TikTok, people of all ages are talking about it. Some praise the

show for bringing important issues to the forefront, while others, who have long

campaigned on these topics, express frustration that a popular, simplified narrative is

what finally captured public interest. Social media has only amplified its reach, with

TikTok and Instagram driving the show’s virality and leaving kids feeling out of the

loop if they haven’t watched it.

Last week, BBC Radio Norfolk reached out, asking me to discuss the show,

while The Moral Maze explored the frenzy by tackling the question: “What’s wrong

with men?” So, what is it about this show that has sparked such a widespread

conversation about boys?

A Mother’s Perspective: Questions I Wasn’t Ready For

I can vouch for its impact. The content is raw, engaging, and uncomfortably

relatable. Issues like teen knife crime, toxic masculinity, and misogyny usually feel

worlds away from my reality — but Adolescence brought them right to my doorstep,

making me question what my almost 13-year-old son is doing for hours on end in his

room. I’d always assumed he was just entertained, safe from harm and far from the

dangers of the outside world. But am I being too complacent?

“Why do you think he killed her?” I asked my son and his 12-year-old friends who

between them had watched much, if not all of the show.

“Bullying,” they replied almost in unison.

“He was being bullied by her and something snapped when she pushed him over.”

“Some bits you felt sorry for him and some bits you felt aggressive towards him,”

another added thoughtfully.

I pressed them further: “How did you make sense of how he did such an

extreme thing?”

“It’s because he’s a young mind, init,” one boy replied. “He doesn’t fully understand it

and something about it — he just got so annoyed, so enraged that he couldn’t hold

back anymore and just did it.”

“Do you think anything else influenced him to do that in the moment?” I asked.

“No – just the online bullying.”

When I brought up what adults were discussing — the potential influence of toxic

masculinity and misogyny — the boys looked puzzled.

“I didn’t pick up on any sexism at all,” one said. “I just thought he really liked

the girl, and the girl was bullying him and making fun of him. But I don’t think

it was because he thought he was better than her because she was a girl.”

A Different Perspective: What the Boys Saw

For this younger group of boys — arguably too young for the content, despite it

featuring a boy their age — the wider societal narrative didn’t resonate with their

interpretation of the programme. What struck me most was one boy’s chilling

reflection: “It’s just so mad to think that could be any one of us who just snaps and

kills someone.”

While adults grapple with concerns about toxic masculinity and the erosion of

positive male role models, these boys saw a much simpler — and perhaps more

unsettling — reality unfold: a boy pushed to the brink by online bullying, with tragic

consequences. What unsettled me most was the fact that they were left believing

that this alone — without any deeper influences — could drive one of their peers to

commit such an extreme act. The simplicity of that conclusion, and their quiet

acceptance of it, was deeply worrying.

Moral Maze and Masculinity Under Scrutiny

This potential disconnect between adult discourse and young people’s

understanding was at the heart of BBC Radio 4’s Moral Maze episode, “What’s

Wrong with Men?”. The panel explored whether traditional notions of masculinity are

outdated or if young men are struggling because positive male role models have

been eroded by shifting societal norms. Are we asking too much of boys to redefine

what it means to be a man, or are they left adrift without clear guidance?

The Influence of Media and and the Nuances of Influencer Culture

Given the viral success of Adolescence — propelled by social media — the role of

media in shaping young people’s perceptions has been a key focus in some of the

online conversations I have seen. People appear to be grappling with whether the

show is a much-needed catalyst for change or if it risks reinforcing harmful

stereotypes. While Adolescence has been praised for bringing urgent issues to the

forefront, some critics argue that oversimplifying complex topics for entertainment

could do harm.

Discussions with young men about their attraction to Andrew Tate reveal some of the

often-overlooked nuances of influencer culture. Many boys insist that they admire

Tate’s success and entrepreneurial mindset, while distancing themselves from his

misogynistic attitudes. But in doing so they may find themselves reproducing what

they see online without recognising or understanding the potential harm. Worse still,

social media algorithms — designed to prioritise engagement — can gradually push

more extreme content their way, exposing them to distorted worldviews. This is

where the role of friends and family becomes crucial. By encouraging these young

people to pause, question, and critically engage with what they see, we can help

them develop a more balanced and informed perspective.

Parenting, Schools, and Society: Are We Equipped to Help Boys?

This brings us to another crucial part of the conversation: the role of parents,

educators, and communities in supporting boys. Are families and schools equipped

to help boys navigate emotional vulnerability, peer expectations, and the pressures

of modern masculinity? Or are we leaving them to figure it out alone, with social

media filling the void? How able and skilled as adults, and society, are we at creating

space for ‘both’ ‘and’, rather than a tendency to get stuck in ‘either’ ‘or’? How do we

more flexibly consider that independence does not need to mean isolation and

loneliness, that strength does not mean not experiencing vulnerability or emotional

intimacy?

The Moral Maze panel concluded that addressing these challenges requires shared

responsibility — from families, schools, and society — rather than rushing to blame

one cause. Adolescence is a turbulent time, where brain changes heighten teens’

sensitivity to social dynamics and make them more influenced by peers than adults.

Their strongest questions during this stage are: “Where do I fit in?” and “How can I

belong?” This deep need for connection means that experiences of bullying,

exclusion, or feeling different can create enormous distress, impacting their well-

being.

In a world where loneliness and isolation are becoming more common, even one

trusted adult can make a profound difference. Research shows that having

supportive relationships in adolescence not only helps young people manage

challenges in the moment but also builds resilience that carries into adulthood.

Providing boys with opportunities for meaningful social connection — where they

interact with positive male and female role models of different ages — creates a

“nutritional” interpersonal diet. This broad exposure helps develop emotional

intelligence, relational skills, and reduces feelings of isolation.

Three Practical Takeaways for Supporting Boys

1. Be Curious, Not Judgmental

Teenagers are hyper-aware of negative social cues, which is why your polite request

to “tidy your room” might be interpreted as an aggressive demand. To create

space for open dialogue, adopt a curious, non-judgmental approach. Ask

questions like:

• “What do you think about that?”

• “How did that make you feel?”

• “What do your friends say about this?”

• 
  

When they feel heard, they’re more likely to engage in meaningful conversations and

consider different perspectives. Pay attention to your body language and tone —

teens are highly sensitive to perceived criticism. These conversations often flow

better during activities that don’t involve direct eye contact, like driving, walking, or

tidying up together.

2. Help Them Develop a Flexible View of Masculinity

Rigid ideas of masculinity — whether imposed by society or family — can leave boys

either struggling to conform or feeling lost. Ideally, we want to help them develop

a personalised and adaptable sense of what it means to be a man. If your son

makes a comment that shocks you, resist the urge to shut it down. Dig deeper.

Black-and-white statements often hide shades of grey.

When my son told me he liked Andrew Tate, I had to suppress my initial reaction to

say, “You shouldn’t — he’s dangerous.” That would’ve shut the conversation

down. Instead, I asked, “What is it that you like about him?” His answer? “The

cars, the business success.” This opened the door to exploring alternative role

models — successful entrepreneurs who didn’t promote harmful messages. By

showing genuine interest, I got a glimpse into what mattered to him, and he left the

conversation with a more critical perspective moving forward.

3. Be Mindful of Throwaway Comments

Boys and men who hear repeated messages that they are “toxic” or “not

needed” may internalise these narratives, impacting their self-worth and hope for

the future. Instead, think about the role models they’re exposed to and encourage

conversations that acknowledge the challenges they face. This helps boys build

awareness of their emotional and physical needs and develop healthy ways to meet

them.

For instance, if a boy feels undervalued or unimportant, guide him toward activities

that help him feel capable and appreciated.

• If he loves sports, suggest joining a team.

• If he enjoys responsibility, encourage helpful roles at home or school.

Without these positive outlets, boys may seek validation in less healthy spaces,

where harmful behaviours or ideas might offer a misplaced sense of belonging.

A Conversation Long Overdue

Adolescence has clearly struck a nerve, bringing conversations about masculinity

into living rooms across the country. The challenges facing young men are far more

complex than any TV show can fully capture. Yet by making these issues so

accessible, the show has ignited a conversation — one that we can no longer afford

to ignore.